Take me or leave me...almost.

I am an all or nothing blogger, or really, that applies to most everything in my life. I give it my all or not at all. Lately, as much as I have been wanting to blog, I haven't figured out how to track my process and progress. When I say figure it out, it is the same conundrum as when I started blogging oh-so long ago (lol, yeah, okay, a year ago maybe?). Share all, half or just the surface. I still struggle with who is reading this, why I want to share any/all of my life with strangers, what is blogging really about and its purpose, and really the bottom line is...is my family or others reading this that I would really rather didn't? Do I bare all to the 80% of friends, family & strangers who may gleen some wisdom from my life and experiences to risk the 20% of family I would rather keep out of my business? I think once I sort that out, I will be free to be me and who I am. FREE I tell you...with all abandonment (but not lacking sound right of mind and tact in what I right...or attempt at tact, lol).

It just came to me though. In this internet world of permance, and a short and fleeting real time life; what I share is me, my thoughts, my actions and if I am being ME, the kind and genuine ME, what does it matter? Does it matter what my family thinks? REALLY? I am who I am and have shortchanged who I am in fear of unknown reprecusions and admonishments my whole life. Isn't that why I am climbing this current mountain, the quest for true wholeness in my life, true authentic ME-ness. If two, or 4 or 10 family members are upset, WHY why why should that hold me back? Are they gonna knock on my door and ground me? Are they going to verbally repremand me on the phone? Will they disown me? It's not like I haven't been through that before, got it down, been there & done that. What are my options? Considering all that I have gone through emotionally in the past 6 months, what significance do they have on my emotional state anymore? I have fear of rejection and hurtful words. That is it. Oh, and one more thing, I am just almost to the point where I won't second guess or doubt myself anymore. Once I get that firm within myself, I won't care. I can love them, and they can or can't love me, they can take me or leave me, but if they do love me they can take me and love me and respect me.

And I can still respect ME.