Grey Clouds Away!

The grey, cold, clouds and rain are really, REALLY getting to me. I have to say, January through mid to late June are the hardest on me. It's like a really, really, really, really long obnoxious train the just never seems to end, going on for like, EVER. I am a very emotional being, and I am a solar powered California girl (although grew up in the Great NW from 4 yrs to 11 yrs). I like my sun. Actually, I really prefer Santa Barbara over Santa Cruz weather- with the average temp there being 65ish and foggy mornings and evenings in the summer, it was just too cold for me there. When I lived in Phoenix, AZ, I thrived on the hot, dry desert weather. I rode my bike 5 miles a day (to and from work) and it was around 112. Call my crazy, but 85 is just p-e-r-f-e-c-t. Actually, if I am near a body of water to swim in, give me 100, that is dreamy cozy comfy happy.

But, back to reality. I am in beautiful, lush green Oregon, (the birth place of water really) rain, clouds and anything soggy. Will I ever get used to the weather? Hmmm, well, I talk to many folks who after 20 years (or life long Oregonians even) never do. Rain culture it is called up in PDX.

Yeah, I am a beach bum. Tucson has a beach, right? What we DO give up to be near extended family. Do they appreciate what we give up to live near them? And really, does it matter if they do or not, because in the end it is about where you want to be and raise your kids, with or without the vermin's, er, uh, family. There are so many things to weigh out when contemplating a move (which I wasn't contemplating a move until I delved a little too deep into the crappy weather feelings I am having lately), kids, jobs, friends, family, homeschooling, parental rights, community, etc.

So, back to what I was complaining about...when IS the sun going to really return?

I Think I've Done It!

I don't know if I have shaken my bout with depression currently or not, but I am feeling pretty good. We went to Bend (OR) this past weekend to attend Morgan's gymnastics State Championships, and we stayed with Mark's family (cousin). It was a quick trip, but it was so nice to be in a different place! The blue sky was just what my clouded up brain needed. Salem is so gray, dark, cold & wet. This was a breath of fresh & cold air, but bright and sunny! We could do stuff outside (and move around a lot to keep warm), and we didn't have to run from the wet, damp or rain. We almost moved to Bend in 1998 when we first moved up to Oregon (and then back to CA in 2001, and then back up here in 2005), but we chose to move to a beautiful little town of Silverton (now we are in Keizer- 40 inches of rain). Everything there was almost perfect, except for the 44 inches of rain a year! (Bend gets about 11 inches!).

Having hours of coffee induced conversation w/ my husband...talking about our constant money "situation", moving, raising kids, where we really want to settle and stay, how to buy a house with one income...or not, kids, family, friends, more on life, health, etc...it got tense, but we never argued. That alone was a huge accomplishment! Tired, cranky kids in the back, a 3 hour drive home, the stress of some of the conversation (moving, money & family), we pulled it off successfully.

I know I analyze my life A LOT, more than weekly or daily...more like bi-hourly! Trying to peg myself into some sort of clinical diagnosis to "solve" my emotional/mental state. I am settling into the whole "A New Earth" idea of my ego just running amok in my brain, and has been for some time now. I am NOT bi-polar, despite my ups & downs for the past, oh, 35 years (um, that is how old I am!), I am NOT run by my depression, well, I am, but I letting it by not exercising or taking care of me w/ good foods and thoughts. I can see this now that the clouds have cleared from my head a bit, and to act quickly will keep the demons far from my being.

So, things are looking up, life was shaken and I actually saw the light (in Bend).