Baby Brain

I am working on some things left unfinished in my mind, rattling around, just wishing I would get things figured out finally! These active thoughts need to be put to rest, resolved preferably, once and for all. What thoughts I am referring to- to baby or not to baby, that is the question. A baby, my last baby, my future last baby, or fostering and adopting a baby, or just fostering, or adopting, or two babies. That is what I am talking about, and so far no complete and final thought on it, still. I usually come to some temporary conclusion that satiates my souls quest to be complete.

I have thought, talked, written and worked on this issue for, well, Logan's WHOLE pregnancy (when I swore I was SO DONE...it didn't help I had gallstones to rival a bag of marbles, the worst sciatica in BOTH hips...think fat pregnant lady with a cane, and the worst depression during/post-pregnancy I personally have ever experienced, EVER).

Then a week after his birth, I panicked! This just can't be my last baby, this just can't be! (my how the mind forgets about pushing for 2 hours, in awful howling pain). Mark had scheduled his vasectomy for Friday, October 13th, what a sense of humor he had, and for the next 7 weeks I stressed out on how we were about to actually be done making babies, so permanent, so invasive...SO violent.

We enjoyed every second of Logan's newborn-ness with so much gusto! Our last baby, but so much more, knowing very well there wouldn't be any accidents, he was the last. I had a great picture of Mark sedated on "the table", minutes before "the cut", however my phone camera died a few weeks later...not only losing that, but all the newborn pictures of Logan (like I needed MORE salt on my wound!). He tested twice, but no, no swimmers in there (geez, hurray). That was it! So, another few weeks of mourning, talking, discussing to no end, and I finally came to peace with it all (or so I thought...), I was done (in a very Zen-Buddhist-like fashion of submitting to the uncontrollable). I was done (OM).

Fast fwd to now, Mark's sister is pregnant, due in 28ish days actually, and I am JUST now going through 15 bins of pregnancy/baby/kid stuff, seeing what I want to give to her. I am going to sell a ton on eBay (hey, if I only got a buck for everything I have, I would make just over $1k...enough to pay for my recent MRI! Um, or put in our Disneyland fund?). I picked up a baby gown...light blue with little brown bears, elastic on the bottom, a Carter's...and I cuddled it. I put it down and just headed for the most remote place in the house, and just sat. Logan of course toddled in throwing dollar tree golf balls (which are like mini-wiffle balls) and making cute little toddler sounds, and I just hugged him, loved him and kissed him. I love him, I love my kids, and I love babies.

At that moment, I realized I NEEDED to finish this thought process that literally hijacks my brain every so often, stealing my best from my family due to over-obsession and over-analyzing (it takes HOURS, upon hours for me to go through this every time). I NEED to come to resolution, need to finalize this and move on with life. It had to be somewhere I could come back to in moments of "weakness" (like right after my Sils baby girl is born, when I want to just gobble her baby up and kiss her belly, and smell the wonderful baby smell. I love the smell of their heads, Mama milk on their breath, and yes, even the sweet & sour smell of breastmilk poop! (you know it doesn't stink, at least not next to their formula counterparts!).

So, back to ME and my issue at hand...

I feel like there are some paths I really need to re-analyze here...

1) Lose weight, get healthy and try to have one more baby (through medical miracles).

2) Pick out a few items/clothes for my Sil, save the rest of the baby stuff and put them back into their dozens of bins and back into the shed- to deal with later (maybe less inclined to have a baby then?).

3) Look into Fostering in the next year (using my baby/toddler stuff for my foster kids).

4) Look into adopting in the next year (using my baby/toddler stuff for my adoptive baby...boy? girl?).

5) Move on with life- getting myself balanced mentally/ emotionally/ spiritually/ & physically; getting my family's life more organized/routine/structured making homeschooling and the rest of life flow smoother; figuring out how to make some money while staying home with the kids without missing out or giving up being with them while they are small/young.

Before I can make a decision though, I have to analyze why I want another baby? Babies are so delicious and enriching to a family, and they also bring total chaos and upheaval to the family unit. Nursing, diaper changes, being worn from birth, tired, and then having 4 other kids to take care of can really tax a person. My depression gets so incredibly bad until they are about 18 months, I am really just getting out of the fog of the last baby, and my health is really JUST recovering.

Some women feel complete (like I did while pregnant with #4...complete) and still feel the "I would love to have another baby" forever. Though some women feel gleeful that they are done and have no baby fever ever again. I had one time in my life where I was around a baby at a Mom's night out with some other cooperative preschool Mom's, and didn't have a twinge of baby fever! This Mom's baby was tired, didn't want to be there, she was a bit overwhelmed, and I was a Mom of 3 who was happy to not have anyone with me at that moment, even a baby! How weird that was, although kinda liberating. We were living in a 2 bedroom townhouse in Ca, and cramped as heck, and I think our home environment contributed to the feeling of being baby fever free! Worms stop populating when they are overcrowded, I think that is what happened to me. The moment we moved into a large double wide up here in Oregon, I got pregnant almost immediately! (we purposely tried of course, but still, we actually wanted another baby again!).

There are other factors, I have 4 kids- how would they feel, deal with my time being directed at another little one, how would I spend time with each of them individually, quality time? And my hubby, how does he feel? He feels DONE, like "hallelujah" done. He loves his boys, but he feels "old" and tired and well, ready to move on to just plain ole' bein' a dad, ready to regain some of the "baby years" energy and redirect it to his own health. He loves our toddler too, gets mushy over babies in stores, and yet, feels so complete, so happy to have his reproductive army quelled.

So, all this over my desires to have just one more, when we are done, fini. Here are my solutions (Libra style, thank you very much!)...

1) Lose weight, get healthy and try to have one more baby (through medical miracles). It will take me a year to lose weight & get my health up to par to even get pregnant. It will also take a starting cost of $3,600 to try to get hubby's V-sect reversed, at which there is no guarantee. Then we will need another $1,500 for a homebirth. That would put me at 36.5 for maybe getting pregnant, almost 38 for having a last baby, my youngest being almost 4 and my oldest would be 13. I would be about 60 when the last one may move out. Health/finances aren't there at this point, and hubby wouldn't go for it. IF he didn't already get fixed, he still may not go for it. He wants time for US at some point, not that I don't. Man, life is too short!

2) Pick out a few items/clothes for my Sil, save the rest of the baby stuff and put them back into their dozens of bins and back into the shed- to deal with later (maybe less inclined to have a baby then?). Okay, so no baby in my future, I can pick out a bunch of 0-12 month clothes and be okay with it now. Amazing!

3) Look into Fostering in the next year (using my baby/toddler stuff for my foster kids).
4) Look into adopting in the next year (using my baby/toddler stuff for my adoptive baby...boy? girl?).
I will answer these together. I would like to spend the next year of my life "getting it together" and back on track. At that point, I would like to start the process of fostering and/or adopting a toddler or preschooler. Boy/Girl? Not sure, but really won't focus on that until closer to the time. I just don't know if I want to remain a boy only household or go for the girl!

5) Move on with life- getting myself balanced mentally/ emotionally/ spiritually/ & physically; getting my family's life more organized/routine/structured making homeschooling and the rest of our life flow smoother; figuring out how to make some money while staying home with the kids without missing out or giving up being with them while they are small/young. I will work on this for the next year of my life and then reassess foster/adoption.

So- to sum it all up, my questions/feelings were answered & validated. I have been writing, thinking and even had a couple of discussions with my hubby. Ironically, Malcolm in the Middle came on during one of our discussions...and it was the "scare" pregnancy episode, they thought Lois was pregnant w/ an unexpected #5! (nope, not this time!), what perfect timing for more analyzing.

I guess I will always long for a belly to rub, a new baby to nurse, a bundle to sling/Bjorn, a roller, a crawler, a toddler, the smells and gurgles. I guess that is what Grandparenting is for...the joys of babyhood!

Hubby & I are a partnership and half of us are very satisfied, and the other half, well, she just may never be satisfied even after "one more". The next year will be my time to just grow better and be (and enjoy the heck out of my toddler & kids!). If I am meant to have "just one more" in the foster/adopt sense, that process will happen in time.

Life

I have been mainly blogging on my other blogs these days. I have taken my health blog http://mamakendras-journeytohealth.blogspot.com/ to a new level, since I feel that this is something quite serious. It is a journey I am working through on so many levels- too many really, but in the end it is all up to me and how I think & handle it, in order to "put off the end". Life has a cruddy irony sometimes, sometimes I think it is really personally attacking me, but it is just a joke (from life itself!).

I am making some new choices, what I put in my body, what I do w/ my body, how I relate to Mark & the kids, how close I get to others around me, what is important materially.

I need to live like I only have one day to live with my family, but plan for the future like I am going to live to be 95 (because I AM going to live to be 95+!!!).

Pocket Mod!!!!

I just got my recent Family Fun magazine in the mail yesterday, and in it there is an article on 10 secrets of organized families. There are some great tips (and I LOVE tips, just about as much as I love organization!). Here is one that is too cool to keep to myself!

http://www.pocketmod.com/

My "New" Toy

Actually, I have had this since 2005, when Mark's Aunt Leah was clearing her "estate" (ie: giving everything to me). I didn't use it until the other day, and am now smacking myself upside the head and wishing for all these years I would have been though! It makes the best, tastiest, more flavorful coffee I have ever had in my life. I actually like the taste of it, and find the creamer to be a bit overkill now. Thank you Starbuck's for explaining to me on the phone how to do it!

Okay, for those of you wondering, yes, I have fallen off the coffee wagon. I am however, getting back on it tomorrow since I won't be able to drink any and then will only be able to in slight moderation depending on the outcome of my liver biopsy...in more detail on My Journey TO Health blog.

TAGS!

Okay, my tags are getting out of hand down there at the bottom of my blog. HOW does one TAG effectively??? This is crazy!

Mom Pals & Kids Growin' Up

I once saw this Law & Order episode where at the end the show this lady had passed (or maybe it was a guy...most likely murdered...obviously neither impacted me like the point I am about to get to...), so this person passed and the cops were wondering (okay, now I think it may have been Crossing Jordan...and it was the forensics team wondering...anyway!) where this person's friends were since not one person showed up to the funeral.

This person had hundreds of friends, dozens of really close ones...but ALL ONLINE!

So, point is, I have a bunch of friends, most I rarely see even once a year, some just once a year, others just a few times a month, that just seems so, odd. I guess if I was raising kids 25 years ago I would either A) not have any friends at all; B) get out of the house during the day more and meet some; or C) actually have a life since I wouldn't be sittin' at the friggin' computer on and off all day. (okay, exaggeration, but feels like it!).

I guess friends take effort, and after pseudo-homeschooling, half-ass cleaning the house and all the other roles home manager entail...I just "get by" with the least amount of effort. So on that note, I am going to make sure to actually talk to a friend on the phone. Oh wait, I called Sam this week already! (whew, off the hook!).

But really, I miss the good ol' days of my "Coffee Klatch" (as Rachel K. used to say), we all were in the midst of having babies, nursing and had toddlers running around. We lived in the Silverton/Woodburn/Keizer/Salem areas...and EVERY Friday, someone would make the coffee, make a nice munchable for the parents and kids, and offer up their home. Start off clean and after 2+ hours everyone would clean up and whoosh, time to go home and make lunch and get the toddlers to nap. Fulfilling conversation, face to face, seeing that my kids (oops, only one at that point!) WAS normal.

There were 6 of us at first (and 10 kids...and then 5 more babies to follow from these 6 Mamas), and then we had 3-5 more Mama's that would come sometimes, and sometimes not, making over 16 kids at times. Crazy, but fun!

There is something I really miss about having a preschooler, a toddler & a baby all at the same time- the portability of them in the "Mom-realm", being able to go Indoor Park because it was 5 & under, or take them all to a cooperative preschool because two were enrolled and one was a "sibling".

Things are different now, older kids...one almost 8 and another almost 11!!! Sports rule our evenings, not snuggling in the California King sized bed (sideways even to make even more room!) and reading books until bedtime. Maybe this should be about kids growing up...not friends...somehow I manage to digress into another topic all together. Really though, they do go hand in hand...friends, Mom friends, kids, and as they get older and as your activities get more diverse, things get really too busy to just sit w/ coffee and chat with friends most of the time. I sure do miss those days!!!

The Many Blogs of Me

I have outdone myself on this new blogging thing! I now have a blog for me, a homeschooling blog for the boys, a gratitude blog, and the newest is my health journey blog. I like to make things complicated, but it is how my brain categorizes things and sorts, works for me!

Anyway, about my new blog. I somehow thought this little health "glitch" would be short and the "all-knowing" (haha) medical establishment would have ALL the answers just from one test. Okay, now here we are, several tests later, a few surgeries, a few hundred dollars (more like over a $1k or so in the last year) and we are still guessing what the heck is going on in my body!

I have a friend, well, more of a fellow homeschooler from Santa Cruz, that has been tracking her journey with cancer of a rare form. This process has been educational to her & others who are needing to really LOOK into the whole journey of a disease/cancer, and its beginning symptoms.

I didn't think I would need to do this, I thought it would be simple. In looking back at my actual symptoms, this all started well over 8 years ago, and had I been tracking, I would've saved all this trouble of money spent, hospital stays, tests done, and now maybe cancer. 8 years is long time to have the semi-silent symptoms grow & morph into something not-so-silent anymore. If I really looked back, the symptoms started at 18 and even the tests then didn't show much. Boy, lessons can be so hard to swallow in retrospect. IF ONLY I...had, done, did, known, been, fill-in-the-blank...all water under the bridge now.

I am thrilled to have this medium to log in, on, or whatever you say. I have been wanting a website for so many years, and even the wsygig (something like that) formats were not user friendly enough for me! Someday I will get all these blogs onto a site, maybe, and each blog will be it's own link, or not.

I Think I've Done It!

I don't know if I have shaken my bout with depression currently or not, but I am feeling pretty good. We went to Bend (OR) this past weekend to attend Morgan's gymnastics State Championships, and we stayed with Mark's family (cousin). It was a quick trip, but it was so nice to be in a different place! The blue sky was just what my clouded up brain needed. Salem is so gray, dark, cold & wet. This was a breath of fresh & cold air, but bright and sunny! We could do stuff outside (and move around a lot to keep warm), and we didn't have to run from the wet, damp or rain. We almost moved to Bend in 1998 when we first moved up to Oregon (and then back to CA in 2001, and then back up here in 2005), but we chose to move to a beautiful little town of Silverton (now we are in Keizer- 40 inches of rain). Everything there was almost perfect, except for the 44 inches of rain a year! (Bend gets about 11 inches!).

Having hours of coffee induced conversation w/ my husband...talking about our constant money "situation", moving, raising kids, where we really want to settle and stay, how to buy a house with one income...or not, kids, family, friends, more on life, health, etc...it got tense, but we never argued. That alone was a huge accomplishment! Tired, cranky kids in the back, a 3 hour drive home, the stress of some of the conversation (moving, money & family), we pulled it off successfully.

I know I analyze my life A LOT, more than weekly or daily...more like bi-hourly! Trying to peg myself into some sort of clinical diagnosis to "solve" my emotional/mental state. I am settling into the whole "A New Earth" idea of my ego just running amok in my brain, and has been for some time now. I am NOT bi-polar, despite my ups & downs for the past, oh, 35 years (um, that is how old I am!), I am NOT run by my depression, well, I am, but I letting it by not exercising or taking care of me w/ good foods and thoughts. I can see this now that the clouds have cleared from my head a bit, and to act quickly will keep the demons far from my being.

So, things are looking up, life was shaken and I actually saw the light (in Bend).

Utopia in My Mind

So here I am, sleepy baby sitting/leaning asleep on my chest, time to blog. I am analyzing my whole reason for blogging. I was inspired by some fellow homeschooling Mama's that I know, it seemed so fun, such a great way to log life, and is this for me, my family, my friends or all of the above?

If this is for family, to see the kids and everything they do (since I have family all over the country, and my own parents & brother's fam live across the country in MD), how much or little to say? Will I squelch who I am and be more cautious, not being as open for fear of someone "commenting" a comment? What about friends? I am not some outrageously flamboyant person in the first place, but I have been called a conservative rebel for tattooing the back of my head (where I could hide my tat OR grow my hair back), and been accused of stirring the pot, rocking the boat and being an instigator- a black sheep in my family. I have had 18 piercings all over my body at one time, dyed my hair fun colors and wore hair wraps (one that turned into a dread lock). I have been in a coven (wasn't all that exciting actually). BUT, I have been pretty darn mellow in the past several years so some would never know any of this but me as a Mama, of the crunchier type.

Ahhh, the balancing act of who I am. Ekart Tolle says who I am is just the ego anyway, who my being is, well, that is who I really am. In this game of life though, who I represent, who I present myself to be, who I hang with, how I behave or treat my husband and children, it really does matter, even if it is the ego (which I am only on chapter 3 of 10). So, do I bare my demons, egos, loves, hates, and just be the raw me, or tidy it up a bit...not quite soccer mom, but crunchy stevia sweetened granola Mama.

Then there is the who I am vs who I really want to be. I am a fire spitting f-you if you're in my face and punch the wall punk from rage hell. I am that. I am the pregnant lady who got out of her car to yell at a truck driver for cutting her off in an intersection...just keeping herself from punching the guy in the face. I am the mean Mama who tells her kids to go away, says "what are you thinking?" and "leave me alone". I am the wife that pokes fun at her husband, at his expense and can be awfully mean and cruel and not bat an eye. I have a meanness and nasty side most people would be shocked if let out of it's cage (because IT is a being in my head- thus is possessive in a dual sense). I have been mean and bossy my whole life, controlling, anxious, bitchy, up & down, too happy and too sad, extreme, I have been in more physical fights than I should have been in, even more verbal fights times 100.

BUT WAIT! That isn't who I WANT to be. I don't want to blog about that, doesn't that make it okay to be that way? I cringe at Mother's who tell their kids to go away, "beat it", are mean to their spouses, who embrace the yucky side of themselves, like they let a monster out of themselves and, "well, that's me so deal with it or leave".

I have tried to be a better person my whole life, I am NOT stopping now, I will not be defeated. I want to be genuine in my efforts and in the outcome. Enlightened, bliss, love, happy...a Utopian place in my mind, but why the hell not??? (hmmm, maybe I should go back on Zoloft, Mark did say I was nicer, albeit spacey and even more tired!).

I guess when I figure it out, the clean named 15 minute blogger just may change its name.

A Passing of a Fellow Homeschooler

I haven't been posting lately, been feeling like I am at the bottom of a pond, looking up into the reflection of myself on the bottom of the surface (only way I know to explain it). Basically, downer than down, lamer than lame.

But yesterday, something urged me to move into action, outside of myself. Apparently, a fellow homeschooling Mama in Dallas, OR passed away from a bad cold going around. It turned into pneumonia, and her kidneys shut down, and she died. DIED. She was 37 and had a 12 yo daughter and a 7 year old son. Mother, wife, 4-H teacher, church lady, homeschooler, friend. It rocked my psyche and pull me to pull up my bootstraps and get something done for her family. I didn't do much, just contact the church, and contact the MOPS Mom meal train coordinator, and now am on the back burner for her family, all I need to do is rally up other fellow HSers at a moments notice and help.

Something like that just shakes your world, makes you look around, even while you are in a funk, and pull you out of it, even if just temporarily. I am not "cured" of my depression at all, but between that raising my awareness of something bigger than me, and reading A New Earth, I am feeling like I am getting a better grip of life's true meaning.

I am not going to get all philosophical here, but I am feeling a bit better knowing that my life ain't so bad, that I could be paralyzingly depressed, and I am not. I am functional, which means I can pull myself out with effort. That is worth living for!

Vent OUT, Not In

I am. I am just. I am just having a very interesting week, or two. I am just having a very emotional life. I am just. I am.

Up, down, up and down, sometimes in a minute or an hour. Clean everything like a mad woman, then let it all fall apart. Inspired to conquer, and then crawling to the computer to get my "fix" away from it all. Happy and lovey dovey, then get the he!! out of my face angry. Delegate things, then martrydom. I just need to vent on this one.

Doom & gloom, grab a broom, push them out the door. Play, play, outside today, and let my feelings all over the floor. Love, love, love my kids, why don't I feel so good? The ups and the downs and the very sad frowns, when am I gonna give? Pushing and pulling and never stop yearning, wanting to be happy for a DAY. Emotions and ego and can I re-live NO. Never ending, can't quit the emotional spending, taxing and tearing and so overbearing. Open my eyes, the cries, the cries. Open my heart, can't I just tear it out? Wishing me thinnner, pretty and a "winner", wanting me happy, not a Mama that's crappy. Letting it flow out and please God don't go out, I need your help and please don't make me yelp. Poem is over, my life needs to...flower.

I have been bottling those feelings for sometime now. I am just cranky, tired, feel fat and frumpy and caught a glimpse of myself at church today, how sad does a woman have to look before she actually gets off her butt and does something. I have never seen an animal feel sorry for itself. Last night before getting into bed, Mark mentioned that my lovely saddlebags were very noticeable. He wasn't being mean, but didn't feel good. So I went to the mirror and what did I see, why eight thunderous reindeer...sorry, that's a different story. So I looked and before my eyes shocked the sh!$ out of me! I have saddlebags meant for a draft horse! ~sigh~ The time is nigh (okay, knigh sounding, not like neigh a horse!).

Baby is ripping plastics from the cupboard, Tremors II is almost over (our favorite B horror flick, okay, next to Bats & Eight-Legged Freaks). Gotta compose myself, or morph, into a better Mama, cuz who needs to hear how unhappy I am, AGAIN. It's really all in my mind, just too bad I got this crazy, messed up one..

Rose City Challenge Gymnastics

Today I got up at 5:30ish roused my eldest up around 6:30. We headed up to Beaverton around 7:15 and we MADE it to his Rose City Challenge gymnastics meet in time! He did SO well, I am so very proud of him. His scores are getting better, and I think he is feeling very in his skin in level 6 now. Healthy, well rested, and with friends.

I have a love/hate relationship with gymnastics. It is his life, our life, and at the same time, taxes us financially to no end! We are now cleaning the gym 2 hours a week (2 of us x 2 equally 4). The burden is so worth it in how he feels about his body, his skills, his stability and consistency in it...been doing it since he was just barely 1.

Now the guilt. Jordan & Hayden too have been doing gym since they were 1 also, and have the same possibilities of skills, strength, love of competition...but there isn't any more MONEY. They are so gifted, they literally climb the walls, beams, anything they can scale they do.

It is hard being a part of potentially the most expensive sport out there, and something I am thinking I will have to be more creative to accomplish this priority.

Laundry Lady

We have been home all week now, except for excursions out to drop Morgan off at gymnastics for a few hours and pick him up, several days a week. Anyway, I had this grandeous idea of how much I would get done. Okay, on a NON COFFEE week? What the heck was I thinking??? I decided I am a Friday-Sunday coffee drinker now.

Laundry is my only goal in life for the next few days, aside from nursing, diapers, feeding the kids, cleaning up, and then any other unforeseens. For a family of 6, I should be doing about 1.5 loads a day, or with cloth diapers, about 2 loads every single day. WHICH means, if I don't get around to putting it away for a few days, I stop washing laundry, which then means if I stop washing the (literally) stinkin' laundry, I end up with a massive pile of diry & damp laundry. Now I have about 6-8 loads of clean laundry in my room and 10 loads of dirty laundry to do! Not that any of this matters, I don't know if I have EVER been caught up on laundry, and if I do get all caught up, will it all fall apart again the next time someone gets sick or I am too tired or I have to actually wash the bed linens (can't it wait until someone actually wets the bed or throws up in it?).

Alas, at least I am happy with our detergent. I am using Bio-Kleen right now, but am unhappy with both of my natural fabric softener sheets (Method...none work & something from Cost Plus...doesn't work either). I want something that smells nice (and isn't really yucky for my family).

For now...off to bed to read my New Earth book. Hopefully I have some clean unders in the morning!

Oh, and if this is boring...you can be happy you aren't me...I am happy after all, to take on that roll as laundry lady for my family. :o)

Day 2

Here I am, gettin' into the blogging groove! I have now spent over 3 hours (more like 5) on my "15 minutes" blog over the past 3 days...but that is just to get it started of course, yep. I really have nothing profound to say today except that I am having another bad Mama day, where patience isn't in my Motherly toolbelt, again. Actually, this week has been kinda cranky for me (my husband might pipe in, "THIS week? Don't you mean this LIFE? You are the Queen of Cranky", all in jest of course, hehe.). Could this have anything to do with quitting coffee on Monday? I am taking some Herbalife supplements that have caffine in them, thus NO caffine addict headache (or bad coffee breath). My time is up, I guess my brain is moving rather slow and time isn't on my side today either.

Oh, and one more threat to throw the kids in school when I asked them to turn off the TV, again. That makes at least once a day this week. I guess I just am in a bad way, please forgive me Homeschool Gods, for the blasphemy I speak of. I shall wash my sins away with some penmenship at the kitchen table! (Oh, hey, and we did a science experiment today too, can't forget that!).

My First Post!

This is my very first blog post! Up until recently, I really never could see myself going the blog route. I just couldn't figure out why anyone would want to waste their time reading someone else's personal web log journals, when there is "so much to do and so little time" in a day already!

It all started with getting a myspace account, and found that it was more complicated than I personally could handle. So I ventured to facebook, but still felt the same about it, not what I was looking for (what was I looking for, and did I know I was looking for anything?). I always wanted my own "website" for years now, but lacked the know how (although I am pretty darn savy on navigating the internet for communication, shopping, research, etc).

Recently, as in the past few months, I found myself searching the internet for specific topics regarding unschooling, homeschooling, personal health issues I am going through, different ways to make some extra cash online, money & chores, etc. I found myself really enjoying reading a very personal experience & relatability in the blogs. It wasn't just reading a published article, which are great too, but it was more raw and true to what I was/am going through. I was sold! The deal was sealed when a group of homeschooling Mamas' that I communicated with here locally (except G in Colorado) used their blogs to express themselves & to eachother in a whole new way...different than the usual yahoogroups way that I have been using for almost 10 years now!

So here I am.

It will be rough for a while as I learn this new medium, the netiquette of blogging, how much/little to share, and of course, staying true to my title...the 15 minute blogger. That title is pretty much a new mantra of mine I got from Flylady since I tend to take HOURS to perfect what I am doing (bit obsessive am I). So, now that I have been sitting here for over an hour (getting the um, glitches out, yeah), I gotta bid a farewell- merry meet, merry part and merry meet again!